There ought to be a law

In case you missed the fantabulous update about the dismal nature of the big Kohler show, you can read about it here.

The Kohler show is a hybrid of both hand made and commercial vendors. Most of the commercial vendors are nicer things, such as candy companies and better knock-off designer jewelry. There was also, however, all natural jewelry cleaner...conveniently positioned right next to me.  Who's so lucky?

Now the all natural jewelry cleaner booth consisted of a couple of tables with pepto bismal pink table coverings and 2 large signs that screamed "FREE RING CLEANING", ala QVC.

Next to the pepto pink ring cleaning lady was guy selling wooden frogs of various sizes. What's the purpose of the wooden frog you wonder? Well, the frog has a wooden pin stuck in it. If you remove the pin and stroke the wooden pin up the frogs back, it croaks. Big frogs make deep croaks. Little frogs sound like crickets.  Who's so lucky?

For three, long, painful, sales-free days my Kohler show experience was a cacophony of piped in Christmas music, the "FREE RING CLEANING" sales pitch and frog croaks.  I couldn't make this up if I tried.

"Ladies would you like a free ring cleaning"

"Croaaaaak"

"Once a week take this cream and rub it into your diamond. It's safe for all gemstones including pearls and opals"

"Jolly Old St Nicholas"

"Croaaaaaak"

"What the cream is doing is removing the sticky oxidation."

"Croaaaaaak"

"Silver Bells"

"It's all natural, with banana oil, coconut oil and grapeseed oil"

"Croaaaaak"

"Then rinse and dip in the brightener"


I wish I had blow dart gun to put us all out of our collective misery. Pfffffft.

Now, to be fair, I will say that the jewelry lady has a good pitch. I'm sure she could sell ice to Eskimos; however I am a jewelers daughter and I can tell you with 110% certainly that "oil" is about the worst thing you can put on your jewelry. What's sticks to oil? Everything.  Which is the reason we all clean our kitchens with amonia or another like product to cut through the grease.

Never let it be said the buying public had the sense God gave a lemon. Women lapped up "all natural jewelry cleaner"  for the "special show price" of $24.95.

Editors snark note: Clearly these are the same women who fall for the Arbonne skin care sales pitch because it's "naturally and botanically based". You can pick em out of a crowd as they have lines in their forhead that could hold a dime and could really benefit from a little Botox. Chemicals have their place people; both in skincare and diamond cleaning.

The frog guy sold 1/2 his inventory. Apparently Northern Wisconsin has an affinity for frog dust collectors that make a frog noise. What do you do with this thing once you get home? Seriously?

Meanwhile,  I couldn't give it away but every other lady bought an oil based product to rub into her wedding ring or a wooden frog.

Croaaaak! Cue the dart gun. Pfffft.