I don't do birthdays

When I got married one of my sister-in-laws gave me a book with all the birthdays carefully plotted by month. Each family member name was neatly documented with their respective birthday.

I think the assumption was that I had the skills necessary to find that book, read it, buy the cards, address, stamp and mail the cards in time for the birthday recipient.

I don't.

They would have had better luck betting it all on ‘21’ at the roulette table.

I do my own birthday, of course. The date, not the year, and have perfected the art of the birthday octave. (See blog entry here about that rollicking good idea that you too should adopt for your own birthday.)

I just don’t do anyone else’s birthday (spouse and child not-with-standing). And it’s not because I’m a hater, or insensitive or purposely un-thoughtful. It’s simply beyond my capacity as full-time working mother with a million responsibilities to remember birthdays with any consistency. I can’t remember it all. Birthdays were one thing I gave myself permission to forgo.

I know this lack of birthday ability has significantly disappointed my respective in-laws and probably a few friends. It used to bother me that it bothered them, but it doesn’t anymore. I can’t be all things to all people and I figured they’d get over it.

That sounds like a cop out. I know.

I tried. I have. Hand to god. Year after year, I went to Hallmark. I bought the cards. And then stored the cards in a location so amazing that I couldn’t find them again. Finally I cut my losses. I am ever hopeful that my other good qualities make up for the fact that I don’t do birthdays with any degree of accuracy or consistency.

Once in a while a birthday recipient will get lucky and I’ll not only remember, but I’ll remember in a timely enough fashion to actually do something to honor said birthday. It’s rare, but it does happen.

Those are the same days the birthday recipient should buy a lottery ticket because what are the odds?

Probably not as good as "21" straight up on the roulette wheel.